There are

a lot of things

I still don’t understand




For instance

my heart seems

to crumble whenever I laugh




Whenever I tell myself

don’t think about it

crimson still fills my mind


Sharp blades


Flickering fires


Embers that

want to consume me


Why does it feel like


Every time I utter

those three little words

it’s directed towards her


Or that

that missing something

is not you

it’s not a dimpled smile

or blue-grey eyes


It’s myself

and what you have given me



that keep me awake

as I try to decipher

dreams of us


I search for them

for those half decent smiles

verdant irises

witty remarks



Why is it that I no longer

understand my own mind?






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