musings

I was going to write a poem today; but something important got brought to my attention.

This time last year I was going through a lot of things. I was constantly battling with self harm, suicidal thoughts/depression, and anxiety. I know this is something others go through, and still something that some people have an understanding of but have never gone through it themselves.

I’ve tried to better myself over these few little months. It’s amazing to me how easily time flies by. Time is such a fickle thing, you never can grasp ahold of it. It goes differently with each person, and before you know it you’ve realized a lot of change within yourself.

It’s hard being a parent and dealing with such things. I question myself daily, and there are some days where I feel as if I’m not good enough for my daughters, that I’m not doing enough for them. But being able to grow with them so that whenever they get older I can tell them of my journey, so they can see how far I’ve come; I feel like it makes it all worth it.

I never want them to go through what I’ve gone through, but life is fragile. The soul is a very delicate thing, and no matter how much I wish that, it doesn’t change the direction of their thoughts or what they may go through personally.

I know that I have come a long way. I’m nowhere near where I want or need to be, but seeing the progress I’ve made thus far makes me extremely proud of myself. I know I still have a ways to go, but learning and growing with myself is something I’m coming to cherish.

In this world we only have ourselves. We can talk to others about our shortcomings, but in the end nobody will ever know or love you as much as yourself.

I do hope I’m getting my point across.

I’ve said all this just to say that whether you’re dealing with this or not- I love you. Maybe you have heard it recently, and if you haven’t, I want you to know I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so well. It’s so hard out there, and it’s okay to cry, to wail out and sob when you know others aren’t listening.

It’s not a weakness to feel weak. There’s strength in that. Coming to terms with the fact that you may feel like giving up but you choose to keep going makes you so strong, and I admire you.

I may not know you. We may not be able to love each other or hold each other, but I can feel you and everything that you’re going through, and that’s what makes us all beautiful.